Friday, February 8, 2013

life.

Today, there is sun and blue sky. Winter is loosening it's clutches. Life is incredible and Jesus is incredible.



I was going to post about being in Pennsylvania during the hurricane but right now, my soul is in no shape to intelligently and peacefully tell you about that week. Sometime I'll tell you about the hurricane and the hot chocolate and the stupendous people I met there, but today--TODAY.


Life is more full, challenging, overflowing, complicated, and straight-up exciting than it ever has been. It's not at all simple and it's not at all tidy and it's not at all normal.


God is teaching me so much, and mostly, He's teaching me how much I don't know. And how much I'm messed up and screwed up and flailing and outrageously selfish, and it's not about what I've done for Him, but instead, the scandalous sacrifice He made for me. 


I've been getting to talk to all these beautiful, Jesus-loving, complicated, imperfect people, under black sky and white stars, over coffee, over instant-messaging, over chocolate frosties and french fries, in the car, in church pews, while shipping orders, while cleaning white trim with bleachy rags so furiously that the paint comes off because THERE ARE A LOT OF FEELINGS TO SORT OUT and there is a lot of gospel to pour out on all this crazy complicated-ness. 


For about over a year now, I keep thinking this--this is the best. EVERYTHING IS AMAZING and it's stretching me and it's tough and I'm crazy about all these people that I get to serve Jesus with. And then I meet someone new and something else comes up and it gets even more amazing. 


I honestly don't know how it's happening--all this over-abundance of life. More and more living and learning and struggling. 


On the first day of 2013, I got to fly a kite. I'm not even kidding. Was with people who believe in kites, and despite my cynical assessment of "not enough wind" we walked to a park and ran around flying a swirly, multi-colored kite because there WAS enough wind. God so loves to blow our minds with crazy things like that.


I've been having literally magical days like the one where I got to Taco Bell at the last minute and against all odds, found the perfect (sparkly!!) dress and shiny red heels and got to talk to some of the best people about the best things, and then came home to icy-clear air and hurtifully gorgeous stars.

And I've been having scary, confusing, rainy days that I really don't see any good in until God opens up my stupid blind eyes to notice how rampantly He is showing up and getting glory through our blundering attempts at living.


I forget things, way too often. I forget that God loves me, I forget all the times He's been outrageously faithful to me while I was being outrageously unfaithful to Him. I forget that my life isn't my own, to be played around with. It's His, and I want my life to be about surrendering this whole thing, over and over.


I'm wildly screwed up, and not in a cute, whimsical "I have an imperfect crooked smile" kind of way. More like really, really, one-hundred-percent drowning-in-my-sins, lost and hopeless. And because of CRAZINESS, there is God's grace which humbles me to the dirt and thrills me to the sky. There are two things that I know for dang certain--Jesus is the best ever and I am colossally messed up.


Ask everyone in my life: I'm blindly and loudly and persistently NOT A GOOD PERSON. So yeah. Jesus.


Through Jesus, there is strength in weakness, beauty in brokenness, joy in hurt, peace in confusion, and I'm seeing it with my own eyes, and feeling in my own messed up soul, instead of just reading it, or hearing it, and nodding and agreeing without it being real to me.



Recently my sister-in-law and I found ourselves on the side of a freeway, after getting rear-ended, getting soaked by rain and talking to a beautiful, hurting woman who had just lost her brand-new baby two weeks ago. We huddled in between our car and the semi-trucks roaring past, and my hero-sister-in-law prayed for her and there was crying and shivering and "God is so good!"


So basically--Jesus is awesome. Jesus is so much more awesome than I'd ever counted on, and through everything that's been happening, it's all becoming real to me in a way that it's never been, even though I've never "not believed".


Later I'll try and write posts that make sense... this randomness + photos I've taken lately is all I have to say right now. No cohesiveness today.




I love you guys. 

29 comments:

  1. This "randomness + photos" blessed me more than you could know, Susannah. Thank you.

    -Tessa

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  2. Love this, love this, LOVE THIS!

    It deeply encouraged me. :)

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  3. Beautiful post, Susannah. As much as we may try to ignore these "learning curves," it's really a wonderful place to be in. No matter how much we may want to slap it in the face because God may be challenging us and we think we don't "need" that.

    Great photos! :)

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  4. So nice catching up on your life! I've missed your posts/hilarious observations immensely. And God IS so good. So so so good.

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  5. beautiful post, with amazing photos. Love it! God is really so good. <3

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  6. Oh, so inspiring. Thank you for sharing. :)

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  7. this really just excites me so much. it's so beautiful. man, Jesus has been showing me some hard stuff recently about how much I mess up and how messed up I am, and yet how I have to--and GET to--lean on him through it all. anyway yeah. I've missed your posts. :)

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  8. this is deeply encouraging. thank you so much for sharing this with us!

    xx.

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  9. this is so amazing. thank you for sharing. He has been showing me the same thing. it's still a battle to open my eyes to look, but man when i do..


    i've missed your posts so much! you don't know how excited I was to see you posted today haha. oh and thanks for following. it means a lot to me. xx

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  10. you need to write more. this stuff is gold and real and good.

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  11. So basically this is great!

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  12. I haven't been to your blog in awhile, but reading this post reminded me how much I've missed it. And even though we've never met, how much I've missed you. I hope that doesn't sounded creepy or strange. Thanks for being honest and beautiful.

    Keep on bloggin :)

    Liv

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  13. GAH. okay. step one. stop crying.

    step two. email Susannah to tell her how much I love her and how awesome Jesus us and how this life is just amazing because of Him and ohmygoodness, I love instant messaging with you.

    step three. comment and say Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, AMEN. all this is just gold and brutally/beautifully honest. it's all about Jesus. that's it. that's our absolute reality. and isn't it amazing?

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  14. Ah, Susannah dear. This is beautiful and your heart is beautiful. God is so good to us all the time...more so than ever I've been learning how many times I fail and just how flawed I am...but we have an awesome God who doesn't want us to live in past mistakes but trust His goodness to cover our sin stained hearts and propel us in the future.

    Love and hugs,
    Nana

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  15. Beautiful post!
    www.rsrue.blogspot.com

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  16. I absolutely love your blog! Specially the photos because they are so artistic and creative. I really enjoyed browsing your blog. I followed you on GFC! Hoping you can come by mine too :) Thank you for this post! I can't wait to read more of your posts. More power to you!

    XOXO
    Your new follower,
    www.MusingsofaMakeupMaven.com

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  17. Wow, amazing post

    Followed you dear, hope you can check back and maybe follow back?

    *hugs*

    http://zanesaria.blogspot.com

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  18. I awarded you the Brilliant Blog Bouquet Award! Great job on having such a wonderful blog. =)

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  19. Suzannah--
    I just wanted to let you know how much of a blessing your blog has been to me. When I first saw your photography its beauty both inspired me and helped renew a desire in my heart to create beautiful photos and capture moments and the beauty of life. Your blog encouraged me because it helped me see that photography could be a possibility for me and that it wasn't an unattainable dream. I really appreciate how you use your images for the glory of God and how you are so open about your life as a Christian, so that others may benefit from your journey.
    Today I pray in thanksgiving for the gift of you and your work.
    Peace and Blessings! :)
    Kalin

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  20. Wonderful pics..:)
    All of them, i have seen the pics titled under New york also and they were awesm too..:)
    keep clicking..;)
    and do have a look at my blog too..:)
    http://manikhanna793.blogspot.in/

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