(life is too short not to) wear red shoes

face study

2012-03-09T18:17:00.000-08:00

I'm usually the one pushing my camera in peoples' faces and trying to get them to smile. The other day, we went and had our pictures taken by Peter, in his fabulous garage studio. I gotta say--I feel a lot better when I'm the one on the other side of the camera, but Peter is a genius with getting people to open up and look natural.

When I photograph people I know, I tend to go with "smile. um. not like that. ew, you look really cheesy. SMILE. okay that's better. MY WORD NO. put your chin down. put your chin down. put your dang chin down!"

Peter's photos are stunning, plus he is awesome at this part of it, too. He's just finished this Face Study Project--studio-taken, up-close-and-personal, stunning portraits, exploring how people open up and respond and show their real side instead of pasting on the cheesy camera smile.

He photographed all different kinds of people, and put together some beautiful video, too. Go, and be amazed. I love how he has the whole National Geographic soulful, mind-blowing eyes thing going on in several of them.

my brother Benjamin. um, he is beautiful.

And the amount of genuine-honest-to-goodness smiles is just amazing. Looking at all of them all made me so happy. There's pretty much nothing better than a honest, up-close black-and-white portrait. And apparently Peter is the god of honest, up-close black-and-white portraits. :)

and his wife. holy cow.

Anyways. Check out his posts--be inspired to greatness and awed by some of the smorgasbord of beautiful, quirky, unique, hilarious people that God saw fit to throw into the world.

pieces of my list.

2012-03-04T22:38:00.000-08:00

Life is good and busy and inspiring. I'm busy and hope to get even busier, with the goal of living each day within an inch of its life. Something I've been trying to focus on is thankfulness. Especially for the things that I wouldn't naturally think of as God's grace to me.

After reading One Thousand Gifts at the beginning of the year, I've been writing up my own gift list in my beautiful red moleskine (♥)

It's such a good exercise--looking back on the day and instead of focusing on the ridiculously irritating things that happened, learning to open my eyes to the glorious grace that God gives me. Remembering it, writing it down, giving thanks for it. and not just the easily beautiful things, but the tougher things that I know He gave me for my good.

excerpts from my gift-list, along with random pictures taken over the last couple weeks:

56. frozen yogurt with fruit loops // 65. learning how to let go // 83. rumberry lotion // 88. waking up to twenty-three texts // 96. polite man in frustrating redbox line // 121. Sistine Chapel sunset //

147. cinnabon cold cereal // 160. the brand-spanking-newness of a baby // 179. strawberries with nutella & greek yogurt // 202. wandering around in the dark on the phone // 208. vacuuming //

211. running at night in rubber boots // 214. brother-in-law's perfect fried eggs // 217. the book of Lamentations // 222. unexpected hot chocolate with whip cream & sprinkles // 228. sun roof //

231. wet asphalt in sunshine // 232. baby with newly-possible pigtail // 236. flashlightless walk home with just stars // 241. heart-shaped biscuits // 263. coming home // 267. drawing fast portraits of squirmy brown-eyed boys // 276. piano music making me cry irrationally //

289. two Starbucks drinks in one sitting [it was a long sitting okay??] // 303. lawnmower sound & smell // 305. first day that I know spring is for-real coming // 308. tiny baby-boy hand squeezing my finger alarmingly tight //

instagrams:

first-ever nephew.

2012-02-22T15:44:00.002-08:00

His name is Calvin Sterling. Calvin, for my handsome grandpa, and Sterling, for my other brother's middle name, and because it means genuine, pure, real, true.

He's my oldest brother and his wife's third baby, and their firstborn son. Not only is he their first boy, he's the first manchild of the whole clan.

Before my siblings started having babies right and left, I never saw aunthood has that fantastic. I thought of nieces/nephews as a fun and vaguely related person that adults (aunts and uncles) see sometimes. But trust me, I was antsy (very antsy) to get nieces and nephews of my own. I just really didn't know what it'd be like.

So I wasn't really prepared for it all. Watching my sister falling in love with the beautiful, perfect baby on her knees as they saw each other for the first time.

"Oh my gosh. this kid is my brother's kid. my brother has a baby."

Seeing him carrying the curly-headed blonde in her big poofy dress and realizing "and now she's not even a baby anymore. he has a DAUGHTER."

Watching way-too-fast-growing toddlers and seeing the miraculous blending of two people--quirky ears and long fingers and huge blue eyes.

This will never cease to amaze me. This tiny person--this tiny person is half him, half her. Is this not crazy-amazing? Like I've said before, I'm pretty sure I'm going to just burst when I have my own babies.

picture by Daniel, the daddy. first time I got to hold him.

And now there's this new amazing-ness--my brother has a SON. He'll turn into a grubby, trouble-maker little boy, who'll eventually grow up into a young man who could fall in love and have his own sons and carry the family name.

Just a whole 'nother level of gah.

Adding to this is the fact that he is just ridiculously cute. I mean, all babies are cute in some way, but let's face it--some of them really are not that attractive. Calvin is genuinely cute, and I don't think I'm just biased in a rabid aunt-ish way. :) He was only about seven hours old when I took these pictures.

Plus, he totally looks like a boy. I didn't expect him to look so different than the girl-babies. I mean, this baby is a MAN baby!

Katie and her first boy-cousin. :)

So, so grateful to God for this perfect, healthy baby boy.

And just for babies in general. Big eyes and tiny noses and soft fuzzy heads. Breathtaking, labor-intensive, astounding babies.

his nana and his mama

my mama and her first grandson

he already has an attitude. ;)

Katie gazing adoringly at him.

Baby boys: I am a fan.

love day.

2012-02-15T22:11:00.000-08:00

My Valentine's Day was exciting because I left the house for the first time in days, and because I got to see mah baby all grown up and saving China.*

I had been craving Starbucks (not to mention the outside world in general/shopping/buying basic human rights [blue conditioner]), PLUS the basically-brother, next-door-neighbor boy Sam got a job at the Starbucks nearby.

So crazy-proud of him (he was pretty much born to work there), and we wanted to visit. We walked in and he was all manning the drive-through like a boss. Took pictures before he even noticed we were there.

And then hung out with him while he was on his break and drinking his FREE drink.

But I didn't get a Valentine's Day cup (which was one of the reasons I needed to go to Starbucks in the first place, sheesh) so then we drove through to get one.

This cup is pretty much the best Valentine's Day thing this year--I love how it has the different kinds of love. Can we stop with the either/or of bitter singles complaining about the depression or the lovebirds sapping out about the happiness? Sure, it's for mushy stuff, too, but I think the day should be a day to celebrate, recognize, and be thankful for all kinds of love.

It's a good day to be grateful for all the different people in your life who you get to love/be loved by: the brothers and the sisters and the card-giving parents and pretty-much-family-members and the best-friends-forever and definitely, the husbands and fiances and super-special certain guys.

Last year, I said I could conquer the world with one red rose. This year, that ridiculously thoughtful brother of mine gave me two. Imagine the possibilities!

It was a good day. I got out of the house, I got Starbucks, I rediscovered this song, I bought post-it-notes and put them to use.

instagram photos:

v-day sunset

- dream like new york, tyrone wells.

bracelet I got in the mail,
bought in Poland by Miwaza, who lives in Japan.

my phone. her name is Esperanza.

reading. lots of reading.

I hope yours was a good Valentine's Day. ♥

*if you didn't catch this Mulan reference, please do go and watch the movie immediately.

a beautiful person.

2012-02-13T04:00:00.000-08:00

This is Hadley. She is one of my favorites.

She runs, takes sunshiney pictures, works at a bookstore, writes, wears crazy nail polish, reads lots of big books, and has a vast collection of very, very cute shoes.

We love the same cheesy movies, random internet humor, sad songs, superheroes, and youtube videos. We're totally opposite in a lot of ways, but we have the same opinions/convictions/freaky thoughts about most everything.

Kerilynn, Bethany, Hadley & I

My mom, not that long ago, said to me "you should get to know Hadley better. she seems really awesome." and I was like "yeah we're friends but we'll never be very close... she's so smart/serious. I don't think we'd ever get along that well."

HAH. I was very wrong. now, I would be lost without her.

picture by Miwaza

We've graduated together, seen Les Miserables, stayed up all night on the trampoline, watched Thor, drank much hot chocolate, watched many Disney movies, and stayed up 'til past 4 talking on multiple occasions.

She introduced me to Lilo and Stitch, homemade animal cookies, "Party Rock Anthem", and flushing public toilets with your foot (who does that??)

We psycho-analyze people together, give play-by-play debriefings when we have to miss out on important events in each others' lives, and pick apart songs to find out their hidden meaning. We criticize faulty pinterest quotes and spam each others' inboxes.

We chat online about deep things and inane things. we overuse hashtags and pretty much never go a day without talking.

She's intellectual, short, determined, and supportive and loyal to a fault. She's a listener and a hugger and a fighter for the people she cares about.

picture by Hadley

and now: she blogs.

picture by Hadley

She posts pretty pictures of sunset light and curly hair and big smiles. You should follow her 'cuz she's awesome.

so blessed to have you as a friend, Hadley. God knew what he was doing when he brought you into my life. love you, need you, and am thankful for you crazy-much, gorgeous girl. ♥

sooner or later, we're gonna make it.

2012-02-06T22:03:00.000-08:00

we had our long-awaited epic movie-fest weekend. Bethany and I went to Benjamin and Rebekah's awesome apartment for many hours of movie watching and unhealthy snack eating. and in the morning, Benjamin and I went to gym (first time I'd even been inside one) and he proceeded to channel his inner personal trainer.

aka my body is brutalized by the worst workout ever. also, I haven't been working out really at all, due to being sick over and over again. so I was out of shape + sick, but wanted to do everything, and now I am paying for it, big time. my upper body handled it surprisingly well, but everything even associated with my legs is destroyed. I have to walk on my tiptoes, with my knees bent, without picking my feet up off the floor. basically think: Edgar from Men in Black or Frankenstein's monster. fun times.

it was a good weekend. :)

the crazy-gorgeous weather continued on Sunday, and I limped around and got to take some pictures of some awesome people. the aviators were broken out, there was actually too much sun for some of the pictures, and it was just all-around amazing. my appetite for summer has been whetted...

parkour-ing. :)

goal this week: kick this cold for reals this time, and be able to return to walking like a normal person.

random song lyric title again for ya. ;)

sooner or later,

-mat kearney

moleskines.

2012-01-30T22:41:00.000-08:00

these are my eight moleskine notebooks. I am officially addicted.

this is my art journal. unlined, heavy paper that can sort of handle watercolor and permanent marker.

this is my pocket-sized red planner. I got it for Christmas, but it starts in June of last year, so it has all this annoying/tantalizing empty space in the beginning...

therefore: song lyrics.

this is my red volant notebook, for my one-thousand-gifts-listing.

this is my black cahier lined notebook, for Bible study, sermon notes, etc.

lyrics from "background" by lecrae.

this is my 2012 goals/month lists/relevant quotes/book lists notebook (also a cahier lined journal).

this is my prayer-journal, inspired by The Help. Aibileen talks about how she writes her prayers out, and I was like--I should try that. so I did, and it works way better for me. you know how praying can turn into daydreaming/worrying/getting sidetracked in general? this helps me be consistent and focused, and remember to pray for the people I've committed to pray for.

this is my comfily-battered pocket-size notebook for pasting pretty or sentimental things.

and this is my pocket-size, everything-I-want-to-remember-for-eventually notebook. it's for brilliant pinterest ideas, hot mama contracts, courtship behavior contracts... stuff like that. :)

anyways. yes. I do love my moleskines. :) and I can already think of a good use for two more...

also: my friend Beka gave me socks with hearts and red bows. it's amazing how wearing a cute, mildly un-matching outfit can make my day so much better. even if I kind of just want to ooze around in fuzzy pajamas all day long. once I change and throw my hair into a ponytail and put on rumberry lotion (Hadley! ♥), I am ready to conquer the world.

any recent addictions? pick-me-ups? things that help you conquer the world?

januaryness

2012-01-23T22:49:00.000-08:00

I've been sick all week again. I guess I couldn't get away with the lack of sleep and the spazzing out in the snow without shoes or coat.

in the middle of a week of snow, rain, and more rain, we had a day that was absolutely stunning. I dragged myself out of the house where it is safe and warm and there are emotional music videos to watch, and actually took some outdoor pictures.

it's not 'til you get all excited about macro and bokeh that you notice that the trees do, after all, plan on being beautiful this spring--buds already!

I really can't complain about anything when there's a January sky this blue.

and today was a good monday. again. ate salad, ate muffins, ranted about things with soul-people.

...and I'm having inexplicable major nostalgia for country music, amidst my irrationally-eclectic music loving. and I may or may not have rewatched pretty much every single Taylor Swift music video (except the ones I hate) yet again.

this week, I have lots of books to read and people to hug and moleskines to write in and chocolate muffins to eat. should be good. :)

verse for 2012:

(notice the completely incidental twelves?)

rejoice in hope,

be patient in tribulation,

be constant in prayer.

romans 12:12

first snow.

2012-01-16T21:29:00.000-08:00

good weekend. good monday, even. a very good monday. this winter's first vigorous snowfall and chocolate cake turned me into a crazy person. I cleaned, I read, I wrote, I opened my window so I could hear and smell the snow falling.

niece Katie, in awe of the snow.

I ran around the house screaming, and later, I actually did some journalling catch-up. which ended up with me getting all weepy while writing about Benjamin's wedding.

just kind of an emotional day I guess...

I'm replaying this, loving this, thankful for this, believing this, aspiring to this, and eating chocolate all day long.

I love snow very, very much.

and--2012? so far, so beautiful.

photo shoots.

2012-01-12T14:40:00.000-08:00

I've done a few "official" photo shoots in the last couple months, and I realized I'd never posted any of the results (pretty much due to my disappointment/insecurity that is always rampant post-official-photoshoot).

Anyways--I decided to share a few of my favorites.

I did this shoot with Melinda's family. She is an amazing, encouraging woman, and their whole family has been a blessing to me for several years.

I've photographed two of Melinda's births--their seventh boy, and then just recently, their first girl.

She's destined to be adored, spoiled, and tormented, and any guy is going to have a heck of a time even getting near her. I already feel a little sorry for him.

A couples shoot with friends from church...

They never even really had an engagement photo shoot, and now they have four kids. They decided a "romantic photo shoot" was in order.

Portraits of a toddler = tricky. :) I had fun chasing her around, trying not to fall in the creek, and avoiding duck droppings.

Ruthi is crazy-energetic, climbs trees, and gives good hugs.

miscellaneous.

2012-01-05T23:48:00.000-08:00

Being sick kinda sets a damper on the "YES. I WILL CONQUER EVERYTHING" feeling at the beginning of the year.

Mostly, I've been writing furiously in moleskines at random, watching movies, drinking tea, and clutching my new panda pillow pet. ♥ (I have been pining for a pillow pet ever since they came out. And I feel like pillow pets were born to be pandas).

But today, I'm finally kicking this bug enough that I am definitely starting to get into the "CONQUER THE WORLD" mood. :)

I found out that my moleskine planner has stickers. Which is going to make 2012 way awesome.

I finally got the five-year journal--it has a question a day, and five different spots for your answer, for five different years. Super cool, since you can catch up easily if you get behind, it only takes a couple minutes a day, and you'll be able to see how your answers have changed.

awesome song for the beginning of the new year: Start Over.

there's so much, so much left to gain,

there's so much, so much to lose,

you'll never know until you make a move.

It's easy to just get caught in a rut, and we shouldn't be afraid to step out and make some changes. It's not pointless, it's not hopeless, it's not silly. Any day is a perfect day to start over.

I put together a quick video of the partyings over the weekend. Foosball, games, Tarzan, and on my part, occasional curling up incoherently with my pillow pet. Not fun to be sick during a party. Plus, my voice was gone for pretty much the whole time, which is very inconvenient in a group of people in which yelling is pretty much the communication style of choice. ;)

some random instagrams from the holidays with my terrible iphone camera:

twenty-twelve

2012-01-01T11:23:00.000-08:00

I'm a sucker for fresh starts. I admit it--I'm really not that practical and rational about the new year.

I keep my eyes glued to the clock for when it turns, and I would never dream of sleeping through it or just in general, not doing something epic right at the transition of the year. I'm just not one of those chill people who doesn't make a big deal about things.

My goals/resolutions/random things that I want to do this year include:

get my driver's license
actually journal (at least occasionally...)
take a self-defense class
buy another lens
see a movie on opening night
get (and stay) organized
do ten pushups at once
run a mile
memorize a book of the Bible
read The Lord of the Rings books cover-to-cover (I never have--I'm so ashamed)
make a budget
choose to be cheerful, even when it doesn't seem like there's anything to be cheerful about
live more consciously & deliberately

2011 was crazy, dramatic, and beautiful. I'm giddy to find out what God has in store for me this year.

here's to new beginnings.

a short post with an awkward photo at the end.

2011-12-22T00:31:00.000-08:00

All of my shopping is officially done. I rampaged through about fifteen stores at the mall today, amidst the mile-long line for Santa and the frazzled moms and the shirtless Abercrombie models (sheesh).

Buying lots of stuff for people is one of my favorite things to do. :) It's an addiction inherited from my Christmas-junkie mother.

Like I said, I love Christmas. At the beginning of the season, sometimes I'm like "oh boy. I don't know if I'm ready for all the business/stress/craziness" but then I get neck-deep in everything and I'm like "THESE ARE THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE."

Crazy-beautiful stars tonight, sprinkles whenever I want them, and hot chocolate always & forever.

Life is very, very good.

here's something you should know that is for sure.

2011-12-14T00:29:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here painting my nails bright red with sparkles on top and listening to loud music with my strawberry cupcake earbuds. Christmas is roaringly alive around here.

We slogged around in the mud and got our Christmas tree, a long and glorious tradition, painfully brother-less this year. Benjamin and Rebekah got home from Mexico (I fell apart at the airport... I don't cry at goodbyes--I cry at coming-homes. that's Airport Scene Number Two) and are tanned and gorgeous and fun-to-be-around newlyweds.

Christmas has a way of kind of jumbling up things and making you rethink things and/or be extra emotional. And this is an especially jumbly year.

the refugee.

But sometimes the weirdest, different-est things turn tough into good.

When stuff changes, it makes some stuff more important, and makes the less important stuff fade into the background. Sometimes, this is really hard, and sometimes, it is really beautiful. Usually, it's both.

I definitely fight change tooth&nail sometimes (and I have the nails to fight it, trust me), but I'm learning more and more to accept everything that comes as something that God has given me to help me grow.

I think that every year, I start to fathom an element of Christmas a little more.

advent:

an arrival or coming, especially one which is awaited

This year, it's advent. I love reading through the Old Testament and seeing all the confident hope that they had for the coming of the Redeemer. They were waiting, waiting, waiting. But not waiting by sitting around and whining and getting depressed because things weren't happening as fast as they wanted them to.

They were waiting like warriors. They were glorifying God by loving and serving Him. They knew their Savior was coming, and they were confident.

And they weren't waiting for a sweet baby king who would kick out the mean people and give them a day off to buy presents for each other.

They trusted God's promise that He would send His only Son, who would kill death. That makes me giddy. Jesus' saving work not only enables us to serve Him instead of continuing in our sin, it also

frees us from the fear of death.

We serve a beautiful, risen Savior, who destroyed death itself so that we could live. And simply because Jesus loves us. It's easy to think that we earned Christmas somehow.

But really, all we did was make a total mess out of everything and then sat around neck-deep in blood and tears, until He came and snatched us out and said "because I chose you, I have sacrificed everything to give you everything."

He came to die. He came to give us life. He came to save us from something worse than we can ever imagine, by sacrificing more than we could ever imagine.

And that is why Christmas is more amazing than we can ever, ever understand.

downtown with the last-remaining "brother"

my sister Bethany

traditional creeper picture. :)

It's been a beautiful week and a beautiful month and really, it's a beautiful life. I love Christmas.

"We get so caught up in all of it
Business and relationships
Hundred mile an hour lives
And it's this time of year
And everybody's here
It seems the last thing on your mind

Is that the day holds something special
Something holy, not superficial
So here's to Jesus Christ who saved our lives
It's something we all try to ignore
And put a wreath up on your door
But here's something you should know that is for sure
Christmas must be something
Christmas must be something
Christmas must be something more"

"Christmas Must Be Something More"

-Taylor Swift

giving thanks + buying stuff.

2011-12-06T10:48:00.000-08:00

this was my thanksgiving.

it was kind of small, and kind of quiet, and kind of very-much-missing Benjamin and Rebekah.

there was oh-so-much amazing food. and I ate oh-so-too-much.

number one thing to be thankful for this year: my brother Joseph and his wife Hannah are going to have a baby! lots of screaming and clapping at the table after that announcement. :)

Thursday was rainy, but black friday, spent with my sister Johanna and friend Beka, was scrumptiously clear and sunny. perfect for dashing around and buying everything in sight.

I am a purist--I refuse to listen to Christmas music until Thanksgiving is completely over (sometimes that means at midnight). and from there on out, nothing but Christmas is blared at every opportunity.

we buzzed around in Johanna's borrowed-for-a-week brand new car (some kind of epic blogger promotion... yes indeed it is bizarre and wondrous) and listened to Christmas music and drank Starbucks and spent money joyously.

and at the mall... Beka found who quite possibly could be the real Santa Claus.

She liked him. a lot. yes, it was frightening.

we finished the rampaging by noon.

Beka, reenacting her mood when we started out...

and her mood after finishing.

black friday: not for the fainthearted.

I came home and took some family pictures of our neighbors.

which included my brother Joseph 'cause he married one of them. :)

it was a good weekend. and now I am one-hundred-percent gung-ho for Christmas.

bring on the hot chocolate and the christmas light bokeh. ♥

word love

2011-11-24T12:31:00.001-08:00

More to come about Thanksgiving and Black Friday and all of that. But today: pinterest. : )

(I made this one)

all via my word love board.

my brother got married

2011-11-15T20:45:00.001-08:00

It happened. My brother got married.

I'm not sure it's sunk in yet...

The wedding weekend started on Thursday, with the rehearsal and dinner. Unfortunately, while doing dinner preparations at the church, I totally randomly and abruptly got a cold. Just FYI, when I have a cold, I am immediately three times as likely to fall apart. I was already getting weepy at the rehearsal. Sheesh.

I got to drive home from church with Benjamin... our last drive home from church. :) The one good thing about being sick was that I could stay home on Friday and sew.

I got up early so I could go out to coffee with Benjamin (but I actually had chai in an effort not to destroy my health even more). That was awesome. Even though he should have slept in....

Anyways, so I was sick and had the whole day ahead of me to finish my dress, with plenty of time so that I'd have a nice relaxing evening.

And then I went to get my dress, and it wasn't there. Turns out I left it in Benjamin's car, and he was at work. So I had all day at home with nothing to do, until my mom brought it home that evening.

sleepy flower girl.

So I stood on some tables while the fabulous Mrs. P helped me mark my hem. By the way--standing on the kitchen counter in three-inch heels with your shoulders scraping the ceiling--fun times.

We watched Night at the Museum 2 and laughed super hard at really stupid things, as planned. And then I stayed up until 5 am working on my dress.

As Benjamin put it: "oh my word! you're going to be a disaster today!"

Yep... pretty much.

I decided I might have to bail on my toast, since I already was in danger of falling apart, and having gotten an hour and a half of sleep plus being sick was not going to be helpful. So I sat down amidst hair curling and makeup applying, and tried to write out something I could give them instead.

And then I totally lost it. One of the photographers came in to urge us to readiness, and I was literally sitting on a the couch in the nursery, sobbing, with still-damp hair, a stripy shirt, and zero makeup. Not one of my finer moments.

Rebekah looked amazing. Of course. : )

Thanks to Beka and Johanna's emotional support, and makeup and hair ministrations from Beka and Jessica, I pulled myself together and was ready on time (well, not really... but as on-time as everyone else.)

post-ceremony wedding party milling-around

The ceremony was everything perfect. Benjamin was so smug the whole way through, and I was alternating between beaming and clenching my jaw to keep from falling apart.

Their first kiss was amazing--they waited a long, long time, and it was aggressive and triumphant and beautiful and beam-worthy.

after the ceremony, we waited for family/bridal party photos.

Benjamin is my fourth sibling (and my last brother) to get married, and I've gotten to be a bridesmaid in all four weddings. God definitely gives special grace/numbness during the actual ceremony--it all kind of feels so surreal, that it's easier not to turn into a total emotional wreck.

I just took pictures in between things, and appreciated all the moments, instead of being tied to my camera. Peter and Miwaza (photographer heroes of mine) were continuously taking amazing photos, which may show up on here at some point.

my sister and her family

my brother and his family.

The reception was simply amazing. Chipotle catered, and Chipotle is pretty much my favorite restaurant ever (crazy-awesome burritos, unparalleled guacamole, and completely addictive corn chips). So basically, it was the best reception food of all time.

I was fine until the toasts started, at which point I got panicky and tried to finish my notes, and then obtained the microphone at some point and shook uncontrollably, misread my notes, and botched it all nicely. ;) BUT. I did not weep steadily into the microphone, and that's really all that matters.

That's my brother. And he's kissing a girl. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

Their first dance was perfect. And he dipped her at the end. I was far too busy screaming and clapping at that point to get a picture.

father/daughter dance, and mother/son dance + niece Ruby. ;)

Beka and I, both increasingly brotherless, stuck by each other and she was very helpfully available for spontaneous hugs.

There's a picture missing here. It is a self-portrait of Hadley and I, in which I look exactly like Rango. No, really. Hadley didn't believe me, and then I unwillingly sent her the picture and she totally agreed.
Yeah. That's what friends are for.

"single ladies"

There was lots of enthusiastic dancing. ;)

Johanna and I. And... Beka. ;) picture by Bethany.

It was a momentous, emotional, day, and everything that it should have been. I screamed more than I ever have in one day--I screamed when they kissed, when they walked down the aisle, when they walked into the reception hall, when they danced, when we all danced, when we all jumped up and down to this epic song, when they walked to their car, when they drove away. Yeah. My voice was completely gone the next day.

I helped decorate the car, amidst ridiculously vicious ice-cold wind, and then when they came through the line of cheering people and I hugged Benjamin and smashed his boutonniere, and hugged Rebekah, and screamed, and waved, and then they drove away.

heh. yeah. I think my sister-in-law Katelyn took this.

I had been trying to prepare myself for that moment for about five years. Surprise, surprise... I wasn't prepared. Solution? Refrain from actually thinking, dance wildly, and once pretty much everyone is gone... yell Taylor Swift songs into a microphone and rock out like there is no tomorrow. Very therapeutic.

I can't believe it's over.

heroes wear dog tags

2011-11-11T10:21:00.001-08:00

in honor of the real-life heroes who are tough enough to fight for our freedom,

and their families, who are tough enough to let them go.

happy veterans day.

last three photos via pinterest

photo therapy.

2011-11-07T21:35:00.000-08:00

My brother's wedding is in five days. I prepared myself for this heck of a week by spending the weekend with one of my favorite people in the world, Beka. I hadn't seen her in a month (obscene) and we had long-overdue laughing and movie-watching and the hashing-out of every piece of life in an endless, oreo-punctuated conversation.

We got emotional while watching Fox and the Hound, and then were deliciously freaked out while watching Sixth Sense in bed at night. We managed plenty of cake, oreos, hot chocolate, banana cookies, cranberry juice, donuts, and chocolate ice cream.

And then after church on Sunday, I dragged my amigas to a gutted-out pharmacy several blocks away from church for a much-needed, deliciously unofficial photo shoot.

Nothing like torn-up turquoise and red and yellow walls and sunspots and red leaves for some serious photo-taking therapy.

Hadley commandeered my camera... I'm still not sure about my hair straightened. It's not technically naturally curly... more like "naturally undecided" but it's way different when I straighten it.

I'm wearing the dress that my sister bought me in Poland this summer. :)

I love these people. :)

Today was a good start to this week. Some things are tough, but other stuff is glorious. And the glorious stuff makes everything else that much easier. : )

deep breath. it's going to be a crazy week. My next post will probably be post-wedding, so prepare for rampant emotional wreckage.

summer is really-and-truly gone.

2011-10-23T21:37:00.000-07:00

Summer really is over. I've accepted it. We got home from the beach last week, and the air was cold and the sun was warm, it smelled like bonfires, and the sky was October-blue. I grinned my head off and sighed and said "okay. this is autumn. I relinquish my bad attitude."

I was going to do a massive summer-photo-recap post to give me closure, but then I realized I had this backlog of random photos that I'd never posted.

Ashland with Bethany and future-sister-in-law Rebekah

This summer was wild. It was. I don't think I've gone that many places in that little time, ever. Bethany and I became elite car packers.

I checked off seven things on my bucket list and did a bunch of things I didn't know I wanted to do, but I totally did.

California ocean

It was the summer of decaf frappuccinos and superheroes and cranberry juice and getting sunburnt on the beach. I graduated, I turned 18, I bought a Mac that has truly changed my life.

I laughed more than I ever laughed in my life. I danced not near often enough, but when I danced, I danced like there was no tomorrow.

Even though there was a tomorrow. A bruised and sore and exhausted tomorrow. But a looking-back-and-remembering-every-moment and knowing that it was oh-so-worth it tomorrow.

I wore a Polish navy-blue polka dot dress. I got my first "I love you" from one of the cutest little girls in the world. A friend became a bosom-friend-forever friend.

It was the summer of hot, noisy, theme-song-filled car trips. Going places that I've always wanted to go, even though they aren't that far away or especially magical.

my niece Katie finger (and/or foot) painting.

It was a summer rampant with drama--the good, the bad, and the ugly. And the very, very beautiful.

It was the summer of staying up past four-in-the-morning repeatedly. Ditching things like emotional, mental, and bodily health in favor of living in the moment, in the moment that will never, ever happen again.

It was the summer of throttling the moment.

It was a summer of holding onto "last one forevers". The last car trip home from the beach with Benjamin before he gets married, laden with juice bags and sweet cereal and meaningful conversations about the future.

It was the summer of hope ("esperanza") and red bracelets and anchors and falling completely in love with Lucky Charms and Pinterest.

It was the summer of screaming my lungs out on fair rides and in a splendid theater during Les Mis.

I got hoarse countless times--from yelling my opinions and laughing hysterically and simply talking, talking, talking.

horrifying, giant banana men.

It was the summer of crying about things that mattered and things that didn't.....getting serious about things that matter and getting less serious about things that don't.

the field of flags, honoring every Oregonian soldier who has died in the war on terror.

including a 19-year-old, recently married boy from our hometown.

It was a summer of blue manicures and being surrounded by honest-to-goodness-amazing friends who I'll love forever no matter what.

It was the summer of wonderful people who listen when I tell them things, and understand and advise and are on my side.

It was the summer of beach-tripping, over and over and over, until the beach is so much more part of my soul than it even was before.

It was the summer of holding on and letting go and the best. hugs. ever.

I slept the least I have in my life, and I laughed the most I have in my life. It was the best summer of all time, for so many reasons.

I'm sure you were much more mature and let go of your summer long before I did. But tell me about it.

What was your summer?

last one.

2011-10-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

This was our last beach-trip of the summer. FOR REALS. Other than the occasional middle-of-winter, last-minute day trips when we're running low on saltwater and beach breeze in our bloodstreams.

This annual trip used to be just our family of eight and our super-close-and-basically-related next-door-neighbors. Then two of my siblings got married to people and had kids, so it got bigger, and then one of us married one of them. So now we are honest-to-goodness related. : )

us. minus Juli (sick in bed *weep*) and me (taking the picture, duh.)

Now the whole thing is bigger with four extra babies and two in-law-siblings.

Sam and his sister Hannah (who, having married my roguish brother, is my sister-in-law)

Sam and I are crepe-makers extraordinaire (not really... mostly we like eating them). We made them from a recipe I found on Pinterest. Yay for actually doing stuff from Pinterest instead of only twitching around and getting vaguely inspired! I have an entire board to inspire me to actually do the epic and creative and delicious things on there. : )

They were pretty awesome, I gotta say.

Sam forcing Juli to eat inordinate amounts of whip cream.

HAH. Rogue PC-loving brother caught with Sam's Mac. (it's pretty much exactly like mine but has a fabulous blue case which mine doesn't. weep.)

Virginia

Our coast is rainy most of the time, but the entire weekend was crazy-glorious. Take that, winter.

Ruby and Grandpa ("Dappa")

teeny-tiny very dead octupus/squid creature.

Ruby and her daddy (my brother)

Lucky Charms are my new obsession. Gah.

Katie

Ruby and Juli

Sam and Benjamin had a very violent, good-natured, and egotistical obsession with throwing the football. The entire time.

my sisters. :)

Ruby and her Nana

my mama.

Katie had the best time ever throwing wet sand at Uncle Joseph. He swiftly achieved temporary-favorite-uncle status.

Katie is absolutely obsessed with the ocean. She never wants to leave, and always insists "no, I not cold!" even when her lips are blue.

This was the last-ever beach trip with Benjamin before he gets married. Gah.

Sam felt the need to creep, despite the fact that my taking-pictures-of-me-and-a-group skills are awesome and therefore there was a Sam-sized gap right by Ben.

This is so classic. Sam grimacing about something freakish/weird/awkward that Benjamin said, and Benjamin and Bethany laughing.

I like this guy. A whole stinkin' lot.

Benjamin seized favorite-uncle-status by his alluring new smartphone. Ruby is hooked on Angry Birds.

She's better at it than I am.

Victoria and her papa

Katie said she was going to get married. We said, "where's your good guy?" and she said "no! I don't need a good guy!" We said "who are you going to marry?" *silence* "I'm going to marry these!" (plastic hippopotamus and rhino.)

all the originals. :)

Creepy Bethany, the beach-scuttling-demon.

It was an awesome weekend. And a perfect way to end our summer of running-all-over-the-place-especially-the-beach.

p.s. does anyone have any ideas why my pictures would get pale/grainy after editing them in Aperture and then uploading them to blogger? they look way different in Aperture. agh.

all this hope.

2011-10-09T18:14:00.000-07:00

yesterday the sky was blue. it was a good day.

I'm emotional and high on life. I'm happy about my pink chocolate cupcakes and grateful for the faithfulness of Jesus.

pinterest words: because they are so, so true. and because one of the best things in the world is knowing that you're not the only one who feels this way.

(all pictures can be found on my word love board)

now I'm going to go outside into today's gray weather and smile like an idiot.

here's to tackling another week--being cheerful in the chaos, seeing God's hand in everything, and loving people with reckless abandon.

no, i don't like rain.

2011-10-04T16:36:00.000-07:00

On this rainy, depressing, dark-side-of-autumn day, my soul is rebelling against the inevitable death of summer. it's harder to embrace the new season when it barges in with drizzly rain and general grossness instead of glorious classic autumn-ness. I'm not done with summer yet, and it already feels like winter.

And winter = rain, rain, and rain. forever.

This. This was a good sky. It was like my own personal drop of rainbow. Rainbows! Come back to

me! I need you now.

On a lighter note.

things:

. Jess and her sister did a second round of "spot the blogger" and I was one of the bloggers that she drew! (they're designing over here now) It makes me very happy and I gotta say--the hair on the left--pretty much my life-goal for my hair. You gals are awesome. :)

. new favorite song. totally obsessed.

hearing the song in your laughter

a melody I chase after

no one else has done this to me.

kamikaze airplanes in the sky

are we going down or will we fly?

this could be a shipwreck on the shore

we could sail away forevermore

this time it's sink or swim.

. pinterest, as always. seriously, it's an instant happymaker. trying to avoid the crazy-delicious dessert pictures so I don't abandon all resolve to cut back on sugar for awhile (I don't even feel like me anymore) and start rabidly making banana chocolate chip cookies, jellyroll, and nutella pudding.

. this. :)

. and this. horrifying, mind-boggling, powerful, beautiful, and hopeful. it's long, but it's worth it.

my brother and his girl.

2011-09-29T17:36:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, on a day that was hot and beautiful, when I felt like death...

I took engagement pictures of my brother Benjamin and his girl, Rebekah.

At the end of the day, I figured everything I had taken was pure, unadulterated garbage. But since I take such an inappropriate number of pictures, some did turn out/make me happy/make me laugh. Do please politely overlook the hidden mounds of truly wretched photos that clog my picture folders. Much appreciated.

Taking pictures of two people instead of one = five times as hard. Don't do the math, just trust me.

Especially when the two people are talking/laughing/flirting/snorting at each other. Weird faces galore.

You know how sometimes you're taking pictures and you're so in the zone--you push everyone around, you're bursting with gorgeous pose ideas, you know exactly what you want, the light is perfect, you're in control, empowered, on fire.

Yeah well. That never happens to me.

I do get in the zone sometimes. But only when there's really no reason to be taking pictures. Once "official photo shoot" is spoken, gut-wrenching disaster rears its ugly head.

But life goes on. Botched photo shoots and all.

At least I had one thing in my favor: awesome and attractive people.

Several of the pictures, despite their drastic-impropriety-if-sent-in-a-wedding-invitation qualities, make me happy inside, just because they show what a pair of goofy and spectacular people I've got in my life.

Like I said: goofy.

Having gotten up at ungodly hour to (try to) catch the sunrise for the above photos, and aforementionedly feeling like death (not to be dramatic or whiney, which means I am, but don't judge me. it was pretty bad), I hung out at my friend Hadley's house all day, before meeting up with them again to catch the sunset light. Watching Step Up and eating donuts (no, it didn't help my stomach feel better but YES it made my soul feel better), and lazing around for hours was remarkably restoring.

Did I mention? He's getting married in a month and fourteen days. Leaving me alone to brave the cold, harsh world. Abandoning me emotionally. Turning our family into a paltry four instead of it's former glorious eight.

Naw, it's all good. Just don't judge me if I weep ~~inordinately~~ a little for a week or so.

Incidentally, they actually did end up sending out a few in their invitations. I think this was one of them.

Remember the laughing? yeah. ahem.

Me: "be serious! gosh! um. don't flare your nostrils bro."

Ben. Special talents include: being a total creeper.

And being a noble statue. With flared nostrils.

They really like each other. It's pretty cool. :)

If you want to know more about these people, you can check their engagement story, complete with lots of other pictures of them. :)

And the whole thing was completely validated for these pictures. If I hadn't gotten any others, I wouldn't be that upset--these make me very, very happy.

The brute and his girl.

Again: creeper.

Rebekah's turn to be creepy...

The hick girl. And her boy.

laughing and eating and getting very wet.

2011-09-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

I'm at the beach, again... :-)

Eating an obscene amount of cocoa puffs, lucky charms, and nutella. Staying up til 2:30 and 4:30 because I can sleep when I'm dead.

Coping with my excessive weariness with Coke, which considering my low, low caffeine tolerance (the bane of my life) gets me jittery and very awake.

Cuddling with squishable nieces.

My sister and her husband took us and his sister to the beach with them. We're staying in a house which I love. There are comfy chairs and Disney movies galore and ship paintings on the wall.

Sisters + soul sister.

Being insane on the beach = one of the best activity options of all time.

Running screaming into the ocean and staying in for as long as we could, as deep as we could.

Complete with wardrobe malfunctions and bodily keeping Beka from escaping to comfortable safety.

I'm quite certain have pulled muscles in my stomach from the most intensive hysterical laughing I've done in a long, long time. Possibly ever.

(the last two pictures by Johanna)

I'm in love with the sky.

2011-09-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

The Help

2011-09-17T16:40:00.000-07:00

Where to begin? Such a good movie.

Incidentally, I don't like Emma Stone (no, I've never seen her in anything...heh) and I love Bryce Dallas Howard, so it was strange having the one I don't like be the heroine and the one I do like being the terrible human being of the movie. But Emma Stone pulled off the pulled off the pretty-in-a-slightly-socially-unacceptable-way thing well, and Bryce Dallas Howard was wicked and complicated and busy-body extraordinaire.

It was just a gorgeous movie--the colors, the clothing, the drama, the Coca-Cola bottles, the shiny red nail polish, the fried chicken.

It's based off of a recent best-selling novel, set in the early 1960's. Racism is alive and well in Mississipi at the during the bloom of the Civil Rights movement.

"Skeeter" Phelan, urged to write something honest and unique about "what bothers her that , notices the strange inconsistencies of the behavior of the rich white women toward their black hired help. Their servants feed, clothe, and care for their children nearly all day, yet they don't let them read the same books or use the same bathrooms.

She ends up interviewing "the help", and begins to see the world through their eyes.

So many vibrant characters to love or hate or be disgusted by or cry with.

I don't know what all it was--the fact that I was tired and unstable walking into the theater, or that pretty much everything about the movie made me emotional. The racism, the lost son, the broken friendships, the loser guy who dumped her because she stood up for something, the realistic relationship between the two women who'd been friends for years and years and had grown heavy and wise and world-weary alongside each other.

But by the end, I was sobbing. Big time. Like, casting about for tissues, burying my face in my knees to keep from making a huge racket, and finally just like clamping my hands over my mouth and giving myself over to the wreckage as the end credits rolled and people started to leave.

Now I'm reading the book, which is incredible, and I'm sure will result in yet another emotional breakdown.

Go and see it.

My only caution--there's definitely a liberal sprinkling of colorful language, but much more contextually appropriate than in most movies. ; )

If you've seen it, what did you think?

P.S. Jenn rocks (well, for a lot of reasons but one of them being) because she told me to watch it when I asked her if it was good. :)

the ocean is my only medication

2011-09-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

We had a weekend at the beach, on our annual shopping-and-eating-and-baby-filled girls' getaway. Three new additions since last year--one new sister-in-law, and two more nieces.

The beach is therapeutic, the shopping is therapeutic, the babies are therapeutic (and deeply stressful at times...), the 2:30 am talks in the dark with my seriously crazed sisters, playing on the hot beach with my fearless Katie, it's all fiercely medicinal.

Sadly, these are not my shoes. They are Bethany's.

I was actually extraordinarily restrained this time. But we went to Carter's and I was the only one who bought any baby clothes... yes, I have a disorder.

Chocolate milk. Drink of the gods.

The little girls and I ate lots and lots of cocoa puffs.

I bought a polka-dot pencil and a panda eraser at Claires. My life? Complete.

I painted a princess dress for Katie. She gasped and then held it and stared at it and talked to herself about princesses and good guys. I love how easily kids are satisfied.

Victoria is so ridiculously happy, all the time. Except for when she's screaming. It's pretty much either/or.

Katie and Ruby love each other. :)

Laying in the sun on the beach, sunburning mildly and reading. YES. (picture by Katelyn)

My brother's wife Katelyn and baby Virginia.

Ruby is the munchkin of all munchkins.

Virginia was oh-so-responsible, holding the butterfly kite.

"Nana" and granddaughters, riding the dragon, on the way to the castle. ;)

My newest sister-in-law, Hannah.

Katie is growing up so. stinkin'. fast. She talks and talks. In the car: (playing with her hair dreamily): "I like good guys. They're so pretty!"

Bokeh sunset.

All of the guys were on The Epic Camping Trip. I think it's the longest Joseph and Hannah had been apart since before they started courting!

We were so glad Hannah came, even though she missed her man. :)

Katie loved the little dog (named Sparticus--epic) that two blond boys brought over.

Bethany's true self.

I love these people. These truth-or-dare in the middle of the night, really and truly sisters and sisters of my soul people.

Victoria is a big fan of sand. Even in her mouth.

I've got a deliciousness-saturated weekend ahead... providing that my lurking cold doesn't rear it's ugly head.

knee deep, by the Zac Brown band. On an inexplicable country kick lately...

words

2011-09-02T07:20:00.000-07:00

I am obsessed with quotes, song lyrics, word art, typography... basically anything to do with words. Pinterest is feeding my obsession... if you follow me, chances are I've ransacked your boards, looking for awesome words. :)

You might already know about my Pooh quote love. Something about them--so perfect for me.

I just might write this out (with illustrations, so she knows what to watch for...) and put it up on my baby girl's bedroom wall.

so.

a) if you don't have pinterest... you need to. just do it.

b) any ideas how to make a text thing like this?

I only ever add text in Picnik, and I still can't figure out how to do anything without a photo.

c) have any favorite quotes that I can add to my beautiful quotes list?

I'm kind of working on something that might show up on here eventually...

images via pinterest

my word love board.

smiley face.

2011-08-30T23:02:00.000-07:00

This one got married.

My beautiful Californian friend Ellen got married.

She was crazily calm, her hair was gorgeous, her skin was flawless, her earrings were glorious, and her veil was perfect. A very, very beautiful bride.

Of course I took photos... this was my first-ever time taking photos at a wedding. But I had to lurk around with my monster lens to stay out of the way of the real photographers. :)

All the bridesmaids wore different styles of black dresses, with colored heels. I was having way too much fun taking pictures of all the shoes...

Ellen is my hero--she wore shiny red heels.

Lovely bridesmaids...

She got married in a seriously adorable, Mexican-esque church.

This is Andy, one of the groomsmen. He is Ellen's basically-brother, even though he and his family lives up in Oregon, (we go to church with them and have known them forever).

Juli's red shoes. :)

And Juli's head. See! I don't always take pictures of just shoes! Aren't you proud?

I can't get over how awesome these shoes were...

My mama and my sister. Very important people. :)

Me.

Dress via JCPenney, photos by Bethany. :) Not the Quintessential Red Dress mentioned in my bucket list... (still on the lookout for that one), but it is comfy and I like it.

Bethany is not a huge fan of posing... Me: "Bethany, stand with your hand on your hip and your shoulder kinda dipped down."

And this is what happened. ;)

But she's gorgeous. Even if she's not a poser.

I didn't really take any photos during the ceremony, because I didn't want to disrupt, there were a bunch of heads in the way, I wanted to appreciate it camera-less, and/or I was weeping pretty much the whole time.

The finished result--Mr. & Mrs!--at the reception. ♥

Us. Bethany, Juli, Sam, and I. Friends and neighbors and related-cuz-our-siblings-married-each-other. I never particularly wanted a little brother when I was a kid, but now I basically have one and it's awesome.

History was made at the reception--I caught the bouquet! I wasn't even going to go out there, but the brave girls made all the not-brave girls come out. I just like reached up and grabbed it. Being tall does rock sometimes.

Sam + Andy + awesome formal clothing = my camera must be wielded.

They are some of the most genuine, awesome, down-to-earth, hilarious boys I know, and both being younger than me and grown-up-together types, they are the easiest and most fun to hang out with ever. :)

Me & my bodyguards. By the way--have I ever talked about my Bodyguard Scheme? There should seriously be a Bodyguard Agency, where people can hire out strong young guys to protect defenseless females who want to gad around New York City/go to the grocery store/have a jerk-free life. The tagline: for the girls with no brothers on hand at all times to beat the living daylights out of creepers.

Yeah, everyone tells me there would be issues. But still. I think it would be pretty awesome. I mean, crime would go down, girls could do more awesome things safely, and guys would have an outlet for their aggressive, protective instincts.

Anyways.

Ice cream: because after weddings when you're hot and exhausted and emotional and starving, it's exactly what you need.

No, I did not eat all of it, despite what evil big brothers may report. (see Evil Brother below).

P.S. They're getting married in less than two and a half months! gah. Let's just say that sitting through Ellen & Jason's wedding and knowing that pretty soon I would be standing up there watching these two promise to love each other forever made everything much more emotional. HOLD ME.

P.P.S. The title--the only constant theme in this post.